In honour of those non yummy, not quite scummy.

This woman is really starting to get on my ‘bits’. Last week she was crowing in the same rag about how she loves her husband more than her kids, and why it shouldn’t be taboo to say so. This week, cue mind numbingly dull article on why she doesn’t like pushing her kids on swings ‘cos it makes her arms hurt, and a moan about why we mothers are so judgemental.

Judgemental? , yes we are. we are women, and even amongst the best of us, it’s in the DNA.

Public parenting triumphs and whingefests are really trying my nerves. Take Myleene Klass. seems like a perfectly nice woman and all that, but popping out a single child does not a parenting guru make. Why would I want to read her book? Now if Mel Gibson’s wife (or ex) were to write one, I might listen. Perhaps. Modelling for M&S does not qualify said celebrity parenting guru to design a range of baby clothes. But they do, and somebody must be buying into it, ‘cos there would have been no dotted line to sign on otherwise.

What next? A Geri Halliwell endorsed clip on ashtray for the bugaboo?

Sigh, these articles are so dull. Isn’t there an in between, I mean, I wonder if the DM would be interested in this pitch;

Why it’s okay to be a normal mum.

Mother Inferior talks about nothing in particular, describes her relatively average week in which she does a bit of work, shouts at the kids for making a mess, then apologises and tries to get them in bed at a decent hour. She occasionally worries about her weight, but doesn’t tend to go around looking like she’s just been dug up either.

Would it run?

You see there doesn’t seem to be an in between in the land of public parenting. We’ve got to be one or the other, and we’ve got to crow about it, through either pride or shame, both misplaced.

We are either Groomed within an inch ‘Bunty Cupcakes’ (TM Mumsnet) with 4 messy haired blonde kids, 3 dogs, a sprawling estate, a vanity project housed in a commercial villa on Al Wasl road, lunch at Shakespeare’s, Dr Khan on speedial, (but not Dr. Loubser, you understand, the maid will take care of that) OR, we feel the need to exclaim how we haven’t brushed our hair in 8 days, wine o’ clock has just reached a new low of noon, and how dinner a deux constitutes a couple of roadside schwarma.

Cool! – how normal, this makes you, how edgy. How down to earth.

Not really, you see, whilst the Yummy Mummies appear to have it all, we all know they don’t. We all know they only have so much time to spare because they don’t really have any kind of job on the go. (a small boutique, interiors, events and ‘pr’ maybe?) they have handed over all parenting duties to an army of Fillipinas and ‘Hugo’ is lucky to see his own home during the hours of daylight, as opposed to the inside of his assistants drawers down in Emaar Square.

And as for the ‘Scummy and Proud’ brigade.. Being covered in sick and Sh&t, 3 stone overweight and p”3sed by 12, well, that’s not really so admirable either is it? What’s meant to be a two fingered salute to the perfect brigade is just reading a little tired in my eyes.

‘Being a Bad Mother’.. well it’s all relative Ayelet isn’t it, you see, I’d say posing with my kids in a national newspaper under the headline ‘I’d rather be in bed with my husband than taking you lot down the park’ well, I’d say that’s not exactly a career pinnacle is it?

Yes it is dull at times, rewarding at so many others. We do lose a bit of ourselves when we become parents, but there really is no need then to walk around like we got dressed in the dark everyday just because ‘Saskia’ had a bad night.

Jeez, I felt lucky to get in the shower once a day with my constantly hungry first, and hell, I still look pregnant 2 and half years after the birth of my youngest, but you know what… It doesn’t rule my life. I like my kids, I like to spend a small portion of time away from them. I’m overweight. I need to excercise more.. I try to ‘make an effort’ I haven’t booked in at cosmesurge… I should ‘bake’ more…. The kids know what a vegetable is, and unfortunately, a Burger King. Cries of ‘oooh, how do you manage with 3…’ well, you know what? I’m not sure. It’s a complete bumble, good times and bad, but we’re alive, we juggle and we haven’t dropped all the balls yet. We are , in effect , completely normal. Boringly normal,

Lets hear it for Mums and Dads, neither Good, Bad, Yummy nor Scummy.


4 responses to “In honour of those non yummy, not quite scummy.

  1. Pingback: Mothers

  2. You are *funny* and true. Thanks for a good read. About that stage from which to perform…do you write novels? And if not, why not?

  3. Keep writing, I enjoyed your post. I now know I’m not the only one who gave away part of myself when I became a mom, and no longer feel guilty to want a bit of away time from my baby šŸ™‚ Although whether I do get that away time or not is a long way off but I’d rather enjoy the time I have with my little one before she starts school and I have lots of time on my hands…

  4. Readin this was like reading my thoughts in words… im also a “yummy mummy” with ofcourse your version of its definition:-) and i jus like the way u spell shawarma –>”schwarma” , it sounds very ‘fine dine’ item than one available at ijaza cafeteria on Jumeirah road :-), would love to read more from u? and where do i get more of ur Much Random but Funny and interesting Read?

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